Broken Goods
by Skye A. Lee
Summary: "I am broken. My head ... is a mess. I don't sleep. I am socially handicapped. Unable to take any sort of joke. I am not someone that you love." Skye Audrey Lee lives in London, UK, with her mother, her mothers girlfriend and said girlfriends son. But this is a family that has brought Skye much undeserved pain. Will a stay in Forks with her father help her heal?
1. Prologue

Prologue

_Edward Cullen_

The whole school had been buzzing about ever since a new girls' arrival in January was announced right before Christmas break. She was the daughter of Chief Swan and had until now lived in London with her mother, only visiting during a short week in July and then mostly keeping out of sight – except for the last couple of years where she hadn't visited at all.

Of course, this was the most popular subject of discussion and I really tried to stay out of it all. But, since I am what I am, I could not escape the gossiping of the students – neither could my siblings. But unlike them I also had to listen to their thoughts, every single second of every single day, and it was enough to drive someone crazy. But I endured. Not that I had much of a choice.

"_I've heard that her mom left her dad because she was … wait for it … gay!" _Lauren Mallory was leaning forwards over her table, excitedly gossiping with her friends, who – at the last word – all gasped and one girl put her hand over her mouth.

"_Yeah"_, Jessica Stanley quickly agreed. "_I've heard that she has a _wife_ nowadays"_

A girl from the table next to theirs turned around from her gang.

"_Sweetheart_" she said, with her usual bad try on a British accent. "_Is it a large problem for you that some are different?_"

Jessica looked at her for a second before turning back to her table. The other girl rolled her eyes and snorted and her friends started laughing.

"_Anyway_" Jessica said, drawing out the word. "_That's totally not normal._"

The whole table hummed in agreement. I went back to trying to ignore them, but a few pieces of their conversation still reached me.

"_… __so not cool …_"

"_… __she's probably going to be quite the freak…_"

I was irritated and considered sighing, but I didn't want my siblings to know that I was listening.

"Hey, are any of you hearing what they're saying about the new girl?" Emmett said in a low voice, not wanting the humans to hear.

"Do we have much of a choice?" Rosalie snorted while still looking out the window.

"Come on Rose" Alice sighed. "Although you have a point. Not that their talking matters, though".

I nodded along.

"Well, I'm going" Rosalie muttered and rose with her tray in one hand.

Alice sighed and went after her out of the cafeteria. When the rest of us followed, I felt the stares of many hundreds of students at my back. But I didn't care.

This was everyday life.

**A/N - Welcome to my first Fanfiction ever, everyone! I hope that you like it, but you never know. Since this is the first "chapter" of this story, I will make an announcement - in the reviews of every story, I only want _constructive _cristism. Pretty please, to spare me some heartbreak? Constructive critiscm = no unmotivated hate - like "OMG your so bad!1!". Instead, if you feel like it's bad, I want to hear why you think that way and perhaps a suggestion to make it better. I always look for ways to improve my writing, especially because my first language isn't English. English is weird and different and I apologise for any mistakes regarding grammar and/or spelling (I use a program with spell-check, but it isn't really up to date).  
><strong>**I would also be thankful if someone took their time to Beta my story. If you are interested, please PM me. I am thankful for any help!**

**If you liked this, please check in for the next chapters! I also lose inspiration very easily, so reviews (feedback or feed-forward) will help me keep on track! That's everything from me this time. I'll see you in Chapter 1!**


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter I

_Skye A. Lee_

"Oh, sweetheart!"

Mum gave me a hug and I patted her on her back.

"It'll be fine" I whispered. "I just … want to get away for a while".

Mum backed away. Zoey smiled at me and put a few bangs of her messy, black hair behind her ears before embracing me too.

"I understand" she whispered in my ear, too quietly for mum and Nathan to hear. "But Enya is going to be very sad when you're away."

"I know"

Zoey let go of me and put some of my red hair behind my ears. "Nice, redhead. You go to the states and knock some boys over with that face".

I snorted a laugh and shook my head.

Next was Nathan – Nathaniel. He was a little awkward when he gave me a hug – bowing down from his one hundred and eighty-something centimetres to my one hundred and seventy – and smiled a little sheepishly when he let go.

"Go have fun, kiddo" he said. "And blast away the boys, like mum said."

I laughed at him. "Well, a couple are probably going to faint when they hear my accent, so I think I'll be fine."

"Trust you to make jokes that sound more than mildly narcissistic" Nathan teased. "I'm gonna miss you"

"I'll miss all of you, too" I put on a forced smile.

"_All passengers on flight 636 to New York City please come to gate 24. All passengers on flight 636, please come to gate 24_"

"That's my flight! Gotta go!" I started walking away. "Bye!" I shouted over my shoulder to the trio standing close together, as soon as possible taking my eyes off them.

_Nathaniel, you should watch your words around me. You know that you must._

I put some music on as soon as the plane was in the air. Nathan had awoken something I did not want to face and I felt it stirring in my mind. I looked everywhere, couldn't focus on one place too long and counted in my head.

_244, 245, 246, 247 …_

The trick didn't last long.

_'__If you feel like your head is too small, write it down. Write this full of words, Skye, so that they won't haunt you'_.

I sighed and bent down to pick up my notebook. This was a defeat, once again. I clicked out my pen, opened the book with a violet cover and flipped through the first pages. Words written with pencils, markers, pens, fluttered past until I came to an empty page. _It's hard to win a battle_, I wrote, _when the enemy is your own mind_.

I looked out the window and saw the city of London far, far below us – like a toy model of the city – and a patchwork of fields and pastures.

I was tempted to look at the other pages and although I knew it was self-destructive, I flipped to the very first one.

_I'm tired of crying_

_I'm tired of yelling without anyone hearing_

_I'm tired of being sad_

_I'm tired of pretending_

_I'm tired of being alone_

_I'm tired of being angry_

_I'm tired of feeling crazy_

_I'm tired of feeling stuck_

_I'm tired of needing help_

_I'm tired of remembering_

_I'm tired of missing things_

_I'm tired of being different_

_I'm tired of feeling worthless_

_I'm tired of feeling empty inside_

_I'm tired of not being able to just let go_

_I'm tired of wishing I could just start all over_

_I'm tired of dreaming of a life I'll never have_

_But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired._

I slammed the book shut and my lifeless hands let it slide down on the floor. I looked out the window again, fighting the whispering terror that came creeping into my head. With shadowy, bloodstained fingers it reached for me and I backed further and further away, almost leaving it in charge. _Go away! You don't belong here!_

_Oh, yes I do. Yes I do, because this is you._

I blinked hard a couple of times and then pinched my arm. The pain brought me back but I immediately felt guilty. That was not an action I was allowed to do. Causing pain to myself was strictly forbidden.

'_You can't go on like this! More of you is dying every day and your arms … oh god, your arms, Skye!'_

Memories started flowing in, the sound of beeping monitors and the feel of a needle in my arm … _No._

My heart was hammering in my chest, my pulse loud in my ears and my forehead damp with sweat.

_Shut up, stupid mind! Shutupshutupshutup! Just please shut up …_

* * *

><p>Charlie met me at the airport. It was more than a day since I left London and I was very tired. But I wouldn't sleep, I knew that. Not much sleep here, not anywhere.<p>

"Hey! Skye!"

Charlie waved from the parking lot and shouted, so I had no problem finding him.

"Hi Charlie" I murmured and threw my bag into the back-seat of his car.

"You tired?"

Charlie's American accent felt different and very rough – I hadn't heard an American speak for almost two years, other than on TV or in films of course.

"Yeah"

Charlie hummed, went to his side of the car and climbed inside. I opened the door to the passenger seat and sat down, looking out the window.

Charlie had never known how to talk to me, and he never would. So, therefore he was quiet while he drove us out of the airport and up on the road leading to his home town.

_Forks_.

* * *

><p>When Charlie pulled up the driveway of his never-changing house, I noticed a rusty red truck standing there. I questioningly turned to him.<p>

He shrugged. "Do you remember Billy Black, from La Push?"

"Yes." No. I barely remembered anything that wasn't horrible from a year ago, let alone two.

"Yeah, he can't walk anymore and sold me this for a decent price."

"That's good." Where was this going?

"It's yours, Skye. I wanted to give you a present for coming here."

I studied the truck suspiciously. "Really?" I tried to sound excited.

"Yes."

"Thank you" _I guess. _There was no way I was driving that old thing.

We sat quiet for a while.

"So … how have you been holding up since last time?"

I appreciated that he pretended that _the_ winter never happened.

"Good, I guess." It was only a lie based on what you compared it to.

"Huh. Any … any boyfriends or something?"

"Charlie, I … I appreciate that you try to make everything seem normal, but it isn't. I could never get a boyfriend, or a girlfriend for that matter, not with what's in my package, not with my fucked up brain." My voice was quiet, as usual, but I spoke with force.

Charlie was quiet for a minute, not knowing how to respond.

"I didn't think you swore"

Of all the things he could have said, he commented on my _swear_. The easy way out, as usual.

And that is why I can't live with him in the long run.

I snorted. "I think you learn to when you've been through hell and back."

This wasn't who I was. This was the repelling shield I put up against the world.

But I couldn't bring myself to take it down. Charlie would have to break through, just like mum, Zoey and Nathan had.

It's just that he'd never be able to.

"I'll go up to my room, get my things sorted" I said when Charlie made no move to respond. We'd been standing on the driveway for quite some time and I was tired of sitting down.

_… __tired of crying …_

_Stop it!_

Charlie stayed in the car, watched me go up the stairs and unlock the door with the key in the drainpipe above it. When I creaked up the stairs, I heard the door open and close and steps going into the kitchen.

He would never have been able to cope with me that winter.

If I'd lived with him,

I'd be dead now.

* * *

><p>I was lying in my bed, the full moon shining outside, in my pyjamas, above the covers – unable to close my eyes. My heart was hammering again and I had a full on panic attack over what would happen tomorrow.<p>

_It'll be fine, it'll be fine, it'll be … all right. Nothing can be worse than what you've already gone through._

_I'm fine = Help me. Helpmehelpmehelpme_ …

The memory of when I wrote that began to resurface …

"No!" I curled into a ball. "No" I whispered to myself. "Nonononono …"

I wasn't even offered the relief of tears.

* * *

><p>I decided to walk to school - the truck wasn't really an option. Walking was a different experience, having my ban from performing any physical exercise lifted only half a year ago. It rained, as usual, though it didn't bother me. Rain was one of my favourite weathers – my absolute favourite being those mornings when the air is just a few degrees above zero and the rain is just hanging in the air, on the border of being mist. (And I'm talking Celsius, because zero degrees Fahrenheit would be … yeah).<p>

I had dressed up a little for my first day – I had put on a denim jacket above the necessary black turtle neck and wore a pair of dark, dark blue jeans with boot cut coupled with my black leather boots. My hair was just hanging down my back to my waist, slightly curled in the ends, and as usual I hadn't bothered with make up.

It would take me a while to get to the school – I had left awfully early so I wouldn't be late – and so I had to put my earphones on and blast some music, although it made me deaf to anything else. My thoughts were just too unbearable when I let them wander.

_I stay home alone, listen to music and think way too much._

The unwanted ones managed to snake their way in anyway.

* * *

><p>I stepped into the office drenched with water – luckily, rain is as clean as any flowing water on earth can be – and immediately caught the attention of the woman sitting behind the desk, and a wall of stacked papers, in front of me.<p>

"Hello, dear, what can I help you with?" she asked.

"Hi … er, I'm the new student, Skye. Skye Audrey Lee."

"Nice to meet you, miss Lee. My name is ms Cope"

"Nice to meet you too"

We shook hands.

"Let's see, I think I've got your papers here somewhere …"

Ms Cope started looking through the gigantic stacks of paper on the desk.

"So, miss Lee, you're from London?"

"Yeah."

I cleared my throat – my voice sounded like I'd been smoking for ten years although I'd never touched a cigarette in my whole life. But it always did, so clearing my throat would not help. It was just a vain attempt.

"And now you've come to live with your father. May I ask why?"

"I just needed a change" One of these perspective-dependent lies again.

We were quiet for a minute, the only sound being the rustling of the papers and the raindrops pattering at the roof.

"Is Lee your mothers' name?"

"Yes. She changed back to her maiden name when she met Zoey"

"Zoey?"

"Her girlfriend."

Ms Cope immediately became very uncomfortable.

"Here are your papers. I've marked the good ways to get around on the map and everything else should be on your schedule. If you need something that isn't here, talk to one of the students."

"Thank you" I took the folded map and schedule from her outstretched hand and put it in my back pocket.

"Have a nice first day" ms Cope called after me when I left the office. Cars had just started arriving at the parking lot.

"I'll try" I murmured to myself as the door closed behind me.

_I'll really try._

* * *

><p>"Everyone, this is Skye Lee and I expect you to treat her well"<p>

Mr Mason – the English teacher – stood beside me with a hand on my shoulder.

_Oh please, don't tell me Charlie slipped something to the teachers …_

"Hello Skye" the class said simultaneously.

"You can take a seat with miss Williams"

I went to the table – the closest to the windows, third row – and sat down beside a blonde girl with a curious expression.

Mr Mason immediately began his lecture and I tried to concentrate on him instead of the anxiety churning in my stomach.

_It'll be fine!_

_You will die._

* * *

><p>"Psst! Hey, new girl!"<p>

I turned around. _This better be important._

The boy had greasy hair and acne all over his face and seemed like the over-helpful type.

"Name's Skye, actually"

"Yeah … er, hi. My name's Eric. Eric Yorkie".

_Well, isn't that fitting?_

"Lee. Skye Lee."

"That's a … different name. Is it common in Britain?"

"How did you know?"

"Your accent. It's … it's pretty nice, you know"

_So we're already at flirting? Jesus, this guy._

He dragged a hand through his hair. It came away shining. _Ugh_.

"No, it's not common. If you excuse me, I want to focus on the lesson". No need to make friends. Or more, as this boy clearly wanted.

_If you are alone, there is no one there to hurt you._

_Stop it!_

"Oh, all right" he murmured and I turned back to the teacher, who thankfully hadn't noticed our conversation.

**_Edward Cullen POV  
><em>**

The new girl had arrived. She was truly unique, though, at least in this school. I had never seen hair like hers, red like a fox's tail, and her eyes were a beautiful mix of sky blue and bluish-green. She was pale – like expected for a redhead – and had a few freckles, but they weren't that visible.

Of course, this was the first thing Jessica went down on.

"_Look at that!_" she whispered to Lauren when the new girl passed them in the beginning of the day. "_Freckles! And she doesn't even hide them!_"

"_That's hideous_" Lauren agreed and wrinkled her nose. "_No makeup at all, what I can see. And her clothes!_"

One of the only nice persons on the school – Angela Weber, a nice girl but very tall and very shy – stood just a few lockers behind the couple.

_I think her freckles are cool. And really, they don't stand out that much. It fits her, _she thought. Praise her for a pure mind. _And her clothes are also cool. I wouldn't dare dress like that, though._

Lauren and Jessica bit down on everything that wasn't designer clothes.

"You've heard anything about the new girl?" Alice asked. We were having lessons in the same building and walking there together.

"Nothing but Jessica's and Lauren's usual gibbering. How so? Why would she matter?" I asked.

"Oh, just wondering." She looked away. "Her name's Skye, she says."

"But …?"

"Nothing, I just thought you would like to know. Her full name is Skye Audrey Lee."

Noble Strength. Perhaps it fit her. I would probably never know.

"Why does it matter, Alice?"

She still didn't look at me.

"Why does it matter?" I repeated. "Wait, Alice, are you hiding something?"

"Me? Nooo, never!" Alice looked at me with big puppy eyes. But she was still singing a song in her head to keep me out.

"Alice..."

"You'll see." Alice smirked. "I think it'll be a very nice surprise for you, if you don't insist on being stubborn."

As usual I didn't understand her and let it pass.

**_Skye A. Lee POV_**

Lunch was just like usual. No one had picked me to sit with them at lunch, so I went to an empty table off the side of those that belonged to the gangs. I didn't know anybody's name, except for Yorkie's, but I could place their faces pretty well. Two girls seemed to be the leaders of one group – one had fuzzy, brown hair and was fairly short, the other was blonde with hair reaching her shoulders that I bet she would like to be longer. Too bad for her, it was way too thin.

The table below theirs was the property of British wannabes, all of them talking in poorly done English accents and without a clear leader. Then it was just jumbled with friends sitting beside friends and different groups mixing at all the other tables.

Except for one, next to the windows and straight ahead of the entrance. There was only five people sitting there and all of them were as pale as chalk with black eyes and dark circles underneath, like they hadn't slept for very long-

_I've looked worse than that, though …_

_Stop it!_

-or like they had broken noses that had just healed. But I discarded that immediately because they looked indestructible with their marble skin. Weird.

One was blonde and fairly tall with out-of-this-world looks, but she looked cold and unreachable. Next to her, a small, small girl was sitting, with spiky, black hair that looked like it had been shaved off and just recently grown back. She wore an excited expression, and I betted that she was a bubbly person.

Next to her, a troubled boy was sitting. He looked like he was in pain and somehow made my senses back away in fear. He had blonde hair in a normal cut without anything special about it and was pretty muscled.

On the other side of the table, opposite to the model, a muscular boy was sitting. His body was extremely muscled – like a wrestler – but his features were childish and I thought he was a playful, innocent guy. His hair was a curly bun of brown.

And last, opposite the pixie, a younger looking boy was sitting. His friends (or maybe siblings? Although none of them looked alike in facial features, all of them were pale and had the same eye-colour) looked like they might be in college or even be teachers themselves, but this guy actually looked like seventeen. He was muscular, as well, but less than the other two. His hair was a mess of bronze and also he looked troubled, suffering…

_I know that expression far too well. It's what I see in the mirror, every …_

_Stop it still!_

I stole glances every now and then, not wanting them to catch me looking at them since they looked quite intimidating, but my thoughts were interrupted by a small "Hi".

I looked up and saw the girl from English standing beside my table with a tray in her hands. Behind her, a much shorter boy with glasses and a confident expression stood, also he with a tray.

"Hello. Who are you, may I ask?"

"I'm Lisa. This is Jack, my boyfriend" the girl introduced herself. "And you're Skye, right?"

"Yeah"

"Can we sit down?"

"Sure. Why not."

Lisa took the seat opposite me and Jack the one next to hers.

"Wow. You really have an accent."

"Is there a problem with that?" I sighed, spinning an apple in my hand. I wasn't hungry.

'_You must eat! Otherwise, you'll be stuck here forever, Skye. And you don't want that, do you?'_

I took a bite.

"No no, not at all" Lisa assured me. "It's just interesting. And it sounds nice."

"Thank you"

This girl was nice. But good behaviour was usually a façade. I didn't trust her or her boyfriend.

"So … does Skye have a meaning or something? I've never heard it before"

Before I could even open my moth, Jack answered:

"It is an island off the coast of Scotland."

He put his glasses higher up on his nose.

"Yeah, it is. Mum chose it for me."

"And she's …?"

"In London. With her girlfriend and her girlfriends son – my step-brother".

"Wow. So, it's true, then? That your mum is lesbian?"

"Why is it such of a big deal? Why is being different such a problem?" I exploded, not loud of course, but forcefully.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just … I haven't ever heard of someone that's like … close, I guess?"

I snorted. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

My shield was strong enough for this; strong enough to protect me from this girl, it had to be enough.

We were quiet for a while.

"I saw you were looking at the Cullen's?"

"That's their name?"

"Yeah. They're siblings, adopted siblings of course. Alice – that's the short one – is with Jasper – the blonde – and Rosalie is with Emmett – the big one. Edward is the only one alone. They're the kids of Doctor Cullen and his wife. Jasper and Rosalie are like twins, I think, and they're Mrs Cullen's nephew and niece. The others aren't related to each other at all."

_What does she want?_

"How nice of the Cullens to take in so many orphaned children."

"I don't think Mrs Cullen can have kids, though" Lisa pressed her lips together.

_Like that matters._

"Do you want something more, or can I go?"

"Go on. I've saturated my curiosity for today" Lisa grinned at me.

"I'm not interested in you or anyone else" I warned and stood up. "Next time I won't let you question me."

I saw the glances the people at the first gang-table were giving us, or more specifically – Lisa. She was theirs, I was sure.

"Fine!" Lisa snapped and stood up too. "Come on, Jack, we'll go back to the normal people."

She marched over to the table of Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory – I remembered their names! - and sat down, eagerly whispering and throwing glances at me. I looked at them for a second with something unknown spreading in my chest before going out, just as the bell tolled.

Perhaps this hadn't been the break I had hoped it would be.

* * *

><p>"Everyone listen up, please!"<p>

Mr Banner – the biology teacher – stood beside me in front of the class.

_Oh, great! In English, maths and biology. Really, is it even important?_

"This is Skye Lee, our new student, and I want you to be nice to her"

"Hello Skye" everyone in the class muttered, except for Edward Cullen. He was sitting all alone and holding onto his desk for dear life with an extremely pained and hateful expression. Directed at me. Mr Banner did not seem to notice.

_Why is it always me?_

"There's a free seat next to Mr Cullen, miss Lee."

_Great._

I quietly went and sat down next to the guy. He was still glaring at me and I put my hair like a curtain between us to not have to look at his black eyes.

_I wonder how they do that. I don't think you actually _can _have black eyes._

Edward Cullen kept sitting rigid like a plank beside me through the entire lesson and when it ended he was the first one out the door, moving extremely fast. I didn't look at him, but my stomach sunk like a stone. I had actually began to think that this wouldn't be too bad, but Cullen ruined it for me.

_Well, everyone wants to ruin my life, so why not him, too?_

* * *

><p>I walked home, in the rain again. I was wet like a drowned cat when I stepped into the house. Charlie was still at work and after I emptied it of my homework, I dumped my bag on the side of the doormat and went up the stairs.<p>

I pressed the 'on'-button on my laptop and while it started I pressed play on the music player that Charlie had been kind enough to supply me with.

It was a disc with rocky, loud songs that drowned all other sounds, and I settled before the laptop as the first song played in the background.

I went into my e-mail and saw that Zoey had sent a message.

_Skye!_

_We miss you, little girl! It's already empty in the_

_flat without you getting up five every morning, and Nathan_

_misses you making him breakfast. I miss you making me coffee._

_But, don't you worry, we miss you for _you _too. How's it going on the _

_other side of the pond? Is Charlie being nice to you? Really, it is important._

_Don't forget us while you're away!_

_Hugs from mum, Zoey and Nathan_

I smiled and began to write an answer.

_Howdy, Englishmen!_

_I'm glad you miss me, although it seems to be because of_

_the wrong reasons. But anyway, it's fine over here. Charlie_

_is doing his best and school is _

My fingers hovered over the f-key for half a second before I wrote the word.

_-fine. I don't know if I'll forget you_

_or not, but I'll try my best to ;). _

_I miss you too, folks, but I'm doing my best_

_to make it work here. I-_

I stopped writing. The song that was playing was a song that I recognized. It was bad timing. Really bad timing. _It always is._

I immediately got up and shut the player down before I returned to the computer, now having lost what to write. I deleted my 'I' and ended the mail.

_Many hugs from_

_Skye_

I sent it, shut down the computer and stared out through the rain-stained window for several minutes before I went to my bed and did the same from there.

_40 … 41 … 42 … 43 … 44 … 45_

I wouldn't give up. Not this time – this time I would win.

"_Fuck!_" I whispered when the thoughts came through and burrowed my head in the pillow.

_Go away! Leave! _

**_Leave me alone, once and for all!_**

**A/N - Whew, that is the first chapter! So, what did you think? Skye is pretty angsty, kind of depressed ... kind of lonely ... Yeah, she isn't the most cheerful person on Earth. But give her a break; she'll come around. Hopefully. **

**Just to warn you, this story** _will_ **get angsty,** _will _**mention bullying, self-harm, (attempted) suicide etc. If you are not comfortable reading such things, **_don't!_ **I have no experience whatsoever with actually attempting suicide or self-harming (I do have first-hand experience of severe (is this the right word?) long-time bullying, though) so I won't get things right, probably. And if I start to research this, I will constantly live in fear for my inevitable forgetting to delete that I've been searching for this from the browser and that my parents somehow decide to check it, so I won't. We don't want to make them worried, now, do we?**

**Have an** _awesome_ **day, everyone!**

**EDIT - I added something to fix a plot hole that would have screwed everything up in chapter three! Now, the truck exists. Yay! But Skye doesn't like it, because I want her to walk to school. Well then, bye bye!**


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter II

_Skye A. Lee_

EdwardCullen didn't show up the next day. Or the second, or the third or the fourth. He disappeared. For the rest of the week.

I didn't know if I was supposed to cry or laugh.

I learned the names of almost everybody.

Stanley and Mallory were the queens of almost everyone on the school. Stanley's mother was the worst gossiper in town and her daughter was no better. Mallory was a real bitch, snarky and with a sharp tongue that few could go against. Almost everyone served under them but they had a privileged "gang" of six other girls – Williams, Moore, Thompson, Harris, Walker and King and their boyfriends. They imitated Stanley and Mallory as much as they could and were the duos very loyal subjects. Then there was a gang with wannabe Brits where I didn't even bother with names. They immediately took a dislike to me, just like Mallory and Stanley's group – just because I was British for real. I heard them whispering about my accent "being _soo _fake!" behind my back and I shook my head at their jealousy.

The only other seemingly nice kids were Angela Weber and Ben Cheney – the first a shy but smart girl that was very tall and the second a reserved nerd.

_The school of my dreams._

* * *

><p>It was ridiculous, but the absence of the youngest Cullen made me nervous. His siblings – especially the beauty queen Rosalie – glared at me at lunch when they could, but I found Alice giving me sympathetic gazes. Or maybe I was just hallucinating to give myself some kind of hope in this mess.<p>

Except Edward, school went pretty well. Class was all right and the others left me alone. It was very plain, but during those first three weeks it was a blessing. Plain was exactly what I needed then.

But then the cursed Cullen had to interrupt my plain everyday.

In the parking lot that morning I saw a silver Volvo in the Cullens usual parking spot, instead of the red cab that they had used earlier. Just that little change made my heart beat slightly faster in some kind of fear while I went through the day and I had trouble concentrating. The first thing I did when I entered the cafeteria was looking at the Cullen table.

Edward was there, looking just as bored as the rest.

_So it's his car. _

It felt like I had a cold, heavy stone in my stomach, slowly sinking through my inner organs.

* * *

><p>I hesitated before entering the classroom. I was one of the first ones there, fortunately, and I went straight to my seat.<p>

_No Cullen yet. Thank god._

Mr Banner was going around placing out slides and microscopes – it was still a few minutes before the lesson would begin – and to kill some time, so to speak, I started doodling on a free page in my notebook. Around all the other notes I had taken during the day there were artful doodles of roses and vines.

I started drawing on an empty page, just letting the pencil wander over the lines, trying my hardest to focus only on the movement of my hand.

I noticed immediately when Cullen came into the room, just a few minutes before the lesson would start. I turned a little more to the side when he sat down beside me and stared intently at the paper, not wanting to meet his black gaze.

"Hello."

I froze, couldn't believe that he was talking to me. Alarm bells rang loudly in my mind. _This can't ever lead to anything good._

"My name's Edward Cullen. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself accordingly last time."

I sighed and relaxed. There was no getting out of this, so I might as well give in. I turned around to face him.

"My name's Skye. Nice to meet you." _Really, Skye?_

I was immediately distracted by his eyes, so the thought about my dishonest phrase was lost. They weren't black anymore. They were golden in the same nuance as honey. _Did he get contacts? Why?_

"Nice to meet you." He sounded sincere, at least. But they always did.

_Or did he _remove _his contacts? It's probably more likely to have black eyes than golden, though._

Mr Banner started the lesson and I turned from Cullen, with an apologetic smile, to the teacher to listen to his instructions, thankful for the chance to ignore the strange boy.

But no such luck. We were doing a lab in pairs. _Shit._

"Ladies first?" Cullen offered.

"Sure." I put one of the slides into the microscope and put my eye to the glass. "Prophase." I'd done this before.

"Would you mind if I had a look?"

Wordlessly I pushed the microscope over the table. _I was right._

"Prophase" he confirmed after a quick look at the slide and wrote it down. I couldn't help but notice that his handwriting was _fancy_, to say the least. Calligraphy more than handwriting.

He put in the next slide and looked at it very briefly. "Anaphase."

I didn't protest as he wrote it down.

"Your turn." He put in slide number three and pushed the microscope back to me.  
>"Interphase."<p>

He wrote it down with his beautiful handwriting and I pushed the microscope to his side of the table.

We were done long before anyone else and to escape Cullen's curious gaze, I returned to doodling in my notebook. His clothes made a rustling sound against the wooden chair as he moved to look over my shoulder.

_Didn't your mother tell you that it's rude to do that? _I was very tempted to say it out loud.

Mr Banner came over to our table to check why we weren't working, but when he found that we were done, he looked at the paper very carefully.

"Well, Edward, why didn't you give Skye a chance with the microscope?"

"She actually identified three out of five."

Mr Banner sceptically turned to me. "Have you done this before?"

"Yes. I was in an advanced placement in London."

Mr Banner looked at us for a second. "Well, it's probably good that you two are lab partners." He mumbled something more as he walked away.

I returned to doodling in my notebook.

"Isn't it too bad with the snow?"

Why was he doing this? I didn't feel confident enough in his presence to tell him off like I'd done with Lisa; couldn't he just stop?

_And really, the weather?_

I shrugged.

"You don't like the cold." A statement, not a question.

"I'm fine with it, actually. I just don't care if it's snow or rain." I released my pencil and turned to face him; though it made me nervous, it was better to do it and pass as a normal person. Well, as normal as I ever could pass as. "Though it's nice that there won't be anymore snowball fights that I have to avoid."

He nodded and then became quiet again. I was hoping that he would stay that way the rest of the lesson, but just as I started doodling again he fired a new question at me.

"Why did you move here?"

I irritably sighed, let go of my pen and turned to him again. _I can't see why that is any of your business, Cullen. _

"I just needed a change" I repeated instead.

"That's not an answer" he protested. "You haven't even visited in almost two years, and then suddenly you decide to _move_ here. It makes me curious."

I noticed that his hands were fisted under the table, though he managed to keep an untroubled expression. _Why?_

"It's true. I needed a change. And yes, it is an answer."

I brushed through my hair with my fingers, eased the tangles out. I really didn't want to keep on talking.

Cullen murmured something and lifted his gaze from me. I relaxed further and put my hair between us as I continued doodling.

Thankfully he didn't try to make contact for the rest of the lesson. As I watched Mr Banner explain to the others what I had easily detected in the microscope, in the corner of my eye I saw Cullen turn away slightly and grip the table.

_What is wrong with him?_

* * *

><p>When I opened my eyes the next morning, something was different. It was the light, I concluded as I lay in my bed and watched the window. Still the same colour but somehow … <em>brighter<em>.

It was snow. A thin layer of snow and ice reflected the sunlight and almost blinded me when I peeked out the window.

Charlie was already gone when I came downstairs.

_Another reason why I don't live here._

Without feeling any meaning with the procedure, I made myself a bowl of cereal and milk and ate standing at the kitchen island. The frozen rain outside comforted me in some way, and I found myself staring at it while I listlessly chewed. The reflected light almost made me blind and everything seemed darker as I turned away from the window to put my bowl into the sink.

While I walked along the road, my breath came out as white mist and I found myself doing something very childish; I pretended to smoke a cigarette. Disgusted with myself, I let my hand fall to my side and prayed that no one had seen.

Still, I couldn't deny the illogical happiness that the cold brought me.

* * *

><p>I was much later than usual when I entered the parking lot – a lot of people were there and I was usually one of the first. I'd walked carefully so that I wouldn't slip on my way here, but the break in routine still made me feel a bit uneasy.<p>

I crossed the parking lot in a hurry, with my books tightly pressed against my chest and my head ducked down, and I didn't see the van until it was too late. A shrill screeching made my head snap up, and the adrenaline that filled my body made me see everything unnaturally clearly. A blue van was skidding over the ice, with me in its path. The people closest to me stood still, with varying expressions of fear or shock, but they melted together in a faceless crowd. Everyone, except one.

Of course, the face that I found without intending to, was Edward Cullen's, four cars away. His golden eyes – a shade darker than yesterday – were wide in fear, his features coloured by shock.

The realization that the van would crush me between itself and a red truck dawned on me – as did the conclusion that it was far too close for me to get out of the way.

_This is what you've wanted all along, Skye. Don't be scared._

And I wasn't. I merely stood there, waited for it to happen. All emotions disappeared and were replaced by acceptance. I didn't fear the van coming toward me.

Then something hard hit me, and we fell. I hit my head on the asphalt in the exact same moment that the van hit the back of the truck. Something compact and ice-cold held me on the icy asphalt as the van came skidding toward me again.

Somebody cursed lowly – it was a person that held me to the ground – and the voice was unmistakeable.

_What the hell are you doing?_

A pair of pale hands shot protectively out before me and the van stopped, trembling, some three decimetres before my face. The big hands had made dents in the blue metal, dents that fit the hands perfectly, like a pair of gloves.

Then the van crashed into the brown car next to the truck and finally stayed still. The silence was total for a second, the only sound being my frantic breaths and heartbeat, and then people started screaming. Some shouted my name, others just let inarticulate noises out from their mouths, but over everything else I heard Edward Cullen's low, frantic voice in my ear.

"Skye? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine." My voice sounded weird. I tried to sit up, but realized that he was holding me to him with an iron grip. My helplessness scared me and made me feel slightly panicked.

"Be careful" he warned me as I struggled slightly, though I knew it was pointless; he was impossibly strong. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."

A point above my left ear was pulsing with pain, but I already knew that I'd hit it.

Instead, I asked:

"How did you come here so fast?"

"I stood right beside you, Skye" His voice was serious and persuading. I was immediately on my guard, refused to be fooled.

He released me and I sat up, pulled one of my legs up toward my torso and tried to comfort myself to get rid of the slight panic after being restrained. Cullen backed away from me, as far from me as the confined space allowed, but his face and golden eyes only showed concern. I once again wondered over his eye-colour, but the thought drowned in the power of him looking at me. I shook my head and blinked.

Then they found us – a group of people, crying, shouting at each other and shouting at us.

"Don't move!" someone instructed.

"Get Tyler out of the van!" someone else shouted.

Everyone was moving at once around us and the air was tense with activity and fear. I sat still and waited, wanting to ask Cullen about his supernatural sprint across the parking lot but the courage to actually do it. After a few minutes, I heard the sirens and then six paramedics and two teachers – Mr Warner and the PE teacher, Mr Clapp – worked together to get the van out of the way for the stretchers. Without protesting, I lay down on mine but Cullen stubbornly refused. The paramedics put on a support collar – after Cullen told them that I'd hit my head and probably had a concussion, though I felt fine – and then we went to the ambulance. The whole school was standing around the scene, watching, and something akin to stage fright curled into a compact ball in my stomach, along with the sickening memories that hammered on my mental defences.

They loaded me into the back of the ambulance while Cullen got to sit in the front, as if he hadn't been involved in the accident at all. And because the world is sadistic and hates me, Chief Swan showed up before we could leave.

"Skye!" he shouted, panicked, when he saw me on the stretcher.

"I'm fine, Charlie" I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me."

He turned to the closest paramedic to get a more thorough estimation. I ignored them and tried to make sense of the whirlwind of things I'd seen that spun around in my head. Clues, if you will.

When they'd carried me away, I'd seen a distinct dent in the brown car; a very limited dent that matched the contour of Cullen's shoulder perfectly. Like he'd leaned toward the car with enough force to leave a mark in the metal.

Then there were his siblings. I'd caught expressions varying between dissatisfaction and anger – nothing that showed any concern for their brother.

There _had _to be an answer to this.

I was placed in a bed in the ER, with a blood pressure cuff around my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. I felt sick - wanted to just escape from my horrible past that tried to force its way into my mind.

Cullen was nowhere to be seen, but soon after me, they came with Tyler Crowley, a guy from government who I barely recognized under all the bloody bandages. He looked a thousand times worse than me, but still he looked worried.

"I'm sorry, Skye, I'm so sorry!"

"I'm fine. But _you_ look horrible."

A nurse started to free his head from the white cloth and revealed numerous shallow cuts on his forehead and left chin.

"I thought I would kill you! I was driving too fast and the ice …" He made a face when the nurse started to clean his wounds.

"Don't you worry. You missed me."

"How did you get out of the way so fast? One second, you were there and then you were just gone"

"Edward Cullen pulled me out of the way. He was right next to me." I didn't know why I lied. It just felt right. Besides, this talking was making me uneasy.

"Cullen? I didn't see him … But it went really fast, I guess. How is he?"

"He's fine." My tone was unintentionally rude.

They rolled me away to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong with me, and I was right. Not even a concussion. But I didn't get to leave; I had to talk to a doctor first, and waited for one in the ER while Tyler bombarded me with apologies and vows of making up for the accident. I completely ignored him and lay with closed eyes, trying to escape his words and focus on something else than the assault on my thoughts.

"Is she asleep?"

_Seriously, fuck you!_

"No, she isn't!" I snapped and opened my eyes to glare at the grinning Cullen at the end of my bed.

"Look, Edward, I'm really sorry-" Tyler began.

Edward cut him off. "No damage done." He smiled and sat down at the end of Tyler's bed, facing me. "What did they say?"

"I am _perfectly fine_. I just have to speak to a doctor, then I can go."

"Good thing I came then." He smiled again.

A young, blonde doctor came around the corner with better looks than any celebrity I had ever seen. But he had the same tired, purple shadows under his eyes as Edward and I guessed that this was Doctor Cullen – my "saviours" adoptive father.

"Well, miss Lee" he said with a pleasant voice. "How are you?"

"Just fine."

He lit up a board above my head. "Your x-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Edward told me that you hit it fairly hard."

"My head feels fine." I just wanted to get away from the torture this place brought me as soon as possible.

Doctor Cullen's cold fingers carefully squeezed my skull, without me feeling anything but a slight discomfort in the same area that had been hurting earlier. "Your father is waiting in the waiting room and you can go home with him now. But come back if you experience any nausea or the slightest problem with your sight."

I nodded and slipped out of the bed as the doctor turned to Tyler.

"Thanks for saving me, Edward" I muttered and then went out. I still didn't have the courage to question him. But I'd figure it out.

I wouldn't rest until I had.

**A/N - Chapter Two! So, Skye doesn't like interacting with people. Hmm ... Anyway, thank you for reading and don't forget to post a review with your thoughts! They are my fuel to keep on writing, remember? Oh, and also; if you're a guest, please get a "name" other than guest, so that I maybe can answer your reviews here? What do you think of that, eh?**

**I had to re-read Twilight - my least favourite book in the series - to get everything straight, since I managed to write in a full day before I realized that this was the day of the accident. For now, I'm saving it for the next event ... Edward trying to stay away! Let's see how Skye reacts to that!**

**My soundtrack when I write this, BTW, is Darling Parades album Battle Scars and Broken Hearts. I almost wanted to name this story to "Battle Scars" or something like that, and a possible sequel (Ya'll know what I'm talking about) "Broken Heart". But then I changed my mind ;).**

**Bye, bye, readers! See you in chapter three!**

**EDIT - I changed a few small things - you probably won't notice though - around the whole hospital-thing, to be more accurate with Skye's past. And also, I've found myself a Beta! Yay! Hopefully, WalkingInAWinterWonderlandxx will Beta chapter 3!  
>Peace out, folks!<strong>


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N - I am very happy to present Winter (I'll call her that for short) as my Beta! Say hello Winter!**

**Now, without further ado, here's chapter III:**

Chapter III

Skye A. Lee

That night was the first night that I dreamed of Edward Cullen. When I woke up, I couldn't remember what the dream had been about, only that he had been involved. And that it left me happy, somehow.

I went through the first hours at schoolwith the fuzzy, bubbly happiness from the dream bouncing around in my stomach. The feeling was mostly unknown to me and made me nervous – after a few hours, the nerves won over the strange sensation and left me pretty much as usual, though the feeling lingered in my fingertips as a slight tingling; like I'd received a mild electrical shock.

Lunch went as usual, with me sitting at a table in the corner, discretely looking at everyone else while forcing some food into myself.

I was tense while walking to biology, and I hated that Cullen was the reason. He was special, somehow, something strange, unknown.

The unknown scared me for very good reasons.

* * *

><p>I walked out of biology with a strange mix of emotions.<p>

Cullen had ignored me during the entire lesson – it made me feel relieved but the relief of not needing to interact with anyone was mixed with a strange disappointment. _Why?_

* * *

><p>Cullen and his siblings pretended like I wasn't there after the accident. Maybe they were angry with me, for putting their brother in danger, and had convinced him not to talk to me as well?<p>

I couldn't make sense of anything anymore.

As the days went past, and the nights gave me visions of him, I decided that two (or seven, in this case) could play a game and stopped to look at their table at lunch, just scanned the rest of the students for whatever reason I had. I honestly don't know; till this day, I only know that it made me feel relieved and relaxed.

* * *

><p>I went through my days without any hardships. The initial happiness from the dreams faded away after a few of their kind had appeared, and was replaced with a familiar, dull tiredness that should have scared me.<p>

But that's the thing.

It isn't a tiredness that makes you want to sleep. It's just a haze that shields you from everything. Tiredness brought forth by the world around you. Directed at it, I guess. Nothing matters when it takes you; every action, it seems, is just a waste of time.

It saves and it kills, that haze.

I woke up when I was walking to the cafeteria to get some lunch. I was planning to get something small – an apple and a soda, maybe; I wasn't hungry – and go to the library. To study.

Y_eah, Skye, I hate to burst your bubble but you're not fooling anyone. You're _running away_, that's what you're doing._

I ignored the little voice and shielded myself from the pang of guilt that it created, and quickened my pace toward the cafeteria doors. While I waited in the line to get some food, I noticed that I still got some glances from people – especially the boys. I was pleased with the lack of attention but annoyed that I still wasn't invisible.

_I guess_, I thought humorously, _I have to dye my hair to go totally unnoticed_.

And buying hair dye in the local store would bring some trouble; people would notice the change. And Charlie would probably freak out.

When I went through the doors, on my way to the library, I couldn't help but throw a glance over my shoulder. All of the Cullen's were there, and I caught Edward turning around, as if he'd been looking my way. I froze for a second and then hurried down the corridor, forcing a couple of girls to jump out of my way.

Embarrassed, I ducked my head and hurried away, feeling their eyes burn my back.

* * *

><p>To complete my lying to myself I actually opened a textbook and started reading as I forced myself to digest the apple and gulp down the soda. There was still a lot left of the apple when I dumped it in a trash can on my way to biology, and I felt guilty for not eating properly; but I just couldn't bring myself to.<p>

I sauntered into the classroom at the same time as everyone else – and went to sit by my and Cullens table, prepared to meet the same silence from his side and the same mix of conflicting feelings from mine.

I looked up from my doodling – I'd filled almost the entire book with doodles, though my notes hadn't even reached the fourth page – surprised, as someone sat down in front of me, on top of the table. It was Mike Newton – the boy Stanley desperately tried to capture for herself; though she shouldn't have any problem with it, since she'd marked that he was hers, she still hadn't succeeded.

"Hey, Skye"

"Hello, Mike. Can I help you?" I tried to be polite, but I really just wanted him to back away from my face and leave me alone.

"Yeah, er … I wondered …" He cut himself off and embarrassedly rubbed his neck. "I mean, the spring dance is coming up, and well ..."

Please, no. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top.

"I … I kinda wondered if you planned to ask me?"

"Mike-" I cut off and sighed. "No. I don't plan to ask anyone, since I'm not interested in any sort of event." _That involves other people_.

"Why?" The poor boy seemed genuinely confused.

I wasn't too focused on Mike to not notice Cullen slightly turning out way. _Why is _he_ interested?_

"I'm just not that kind of person."

"It'll be fun, Skye!"

No, it won't. It will be dreadful. "Mike, no. I won't come. Go ask Jessica, maybe. I won't go."

Mike really didn't want to give up.

"Mr Newton?"

Not exactly saved by the bell, but I guess the teacher is good enough.

"Will you please go to your seat? The lesson is about to start."

Muttering, Mike went off the table and to his seat. I had a feeling that he wouldn't give up. _Golden Retriever_.

I put my fingers to my temples, leaned slightly forward and closed my eyes. Mr Banner started talking and I reopened my eyes, only to find Cullen curiously staring at me. _I just don't get this guy_. His sudden changes in behaviour made me nervous. It made me feel out of control. And that is not good.

His golden eyes – yet a shade darker – were filled with the familiar frustration I'd detected the first time he'd talked to me. I wanted to question him, to stare back, but I couldn't, and I cursed my weakness and lack of basic courage.

"Mr Cullen?"

I woke up from my introspective state.

"The Krebs Cycle" Cullen answered and broke his stare from me, seemingly unwillingly.

I bowed my head down and let my hair fall down and create a wall that shielded me from the rest of the world. Feelings swelled in me – an unidentifiable mass of them – and I tried to put myself back in order. It was absurd that one look from him, after just a few weeks of him not acknowledging my presence in any way, would make me feel so strongly. Feelings are dangerous things, and they had always been my downfall in the past. This amount of them now was insane.

I would never survive another day if I let him continue to affect me like this.

When the bell rang, I happily turned my back on him to put my books in my bag, expecting nothing but the same silence from him.

"Skye?"

_No way! Stop!_

His voice sounded familiar, like I had been hearing it for the whole of my life instead of a few sentences weeks earlier.

I slowly, unwillingly turned around to face him and when I finally met his eyes, my gaze was cautious. His expression was unreadable and he was quiet.

"What? Are you talking to me again?" I didn't mean to sound rude, but I did and I didn't care. He didn't deserve anything more.

The corners of his mouth twitched. "Not exactly."

_I hate your attitude, by the way, Cullen. Did your parents not teach you how to behave?_

"Fine. Then don't. But I can't see why you're talking to me if you're, quote, 'not exactly' doing it."

"Sorry." He looked and sounded genuine. "I know I'm being rude to you-" _You don't say? _"-but believe me, it's for the best."

_And who decided that you know what is best?_ "Cullen, please don't mess with me. If you're not interested in talking to me or acknowledging my presence, fine. But then don't and stick to your decision." I was tempted to put in a swear to vent some of my frustration and anger. "Right now, your wavering is confusing me."

"It's for the best that we're not friends. Trust me."

I snorted lowly, hopefully too low for him to hear, put my bag over my shoulder and fled the room. _I don't trust, Cullen. But I don't make friends either. I think we're fine._

* * *

><p>It took me a few seconds to remember the name of the boy with greasy hair that waited for me outside of the girls changing room after gym. <em>Eric Yorkie, right? The guy from first day?<em>

"Skye!" He was clearly nervous but seemed relieved when he saw me and took a few steps towards me.

"Hi, Eric." I tried to pass him, having a hunch about what he was about to say.

"Wait!"

I stopped and turned to him. _Oh dear God, why?_

"I … Er, I just wondered … Will you go to the spring dance with me?" His voice broke on the last word.

"No."

I tried to walk away, but Eric grabbed by shoulder. "Why?"

"I don't even know you, Eric, and also because I don't want to. And, I'm going to Seattle. Why is it any of your business?" I was in a really bad mood this afternoon.

"I-"

"Bye, Eric."

I stalked away, leaving the bewildered boy behind me. When I rounded the corner, I walked straight into another person.

"Oh, hi Skye! Sorry." Tyler smiled apologetically at me.

"No problem" I muttered and tried to go past.

"Hey, wait a second!" Tyler grabbed my arm and I spun around. "I wanted to ask you something. Will you go to the spring dance with me? "

"I've told Mike and Eric and now you – no! I'm not interested and never will be. _Good. Bye_."

I shrugged myself out of his grip and hurriedly walked away, eager to escape any other boys that wanted to ask me anything.

I caught Edward Cullen, standing a small distance away, staring at me with a curious, frustrated expression. Like he'd seen and heard everything.

What was up with him?

* * *

><p>"So, Skye, are you going to the spring dance?"<p>

I let my hand, with my fork in it, drop to the side of my plate.

"No, dad." My voice broke, and I cleared my throat. "I'm not going."

"Oh."

_I just want to be a normal teenager. Everyone else's lives would be so much easier …_

It was quiet for a few minutes, and I started to eat small pieces of my food. The fact that Charlie couldn't cook didn't do anything to help with my eating.

"Why?"

I sighed and dropped the fork. It landed on my plate and I made a face at the shrill sound of metal against porcelain. _Are you really that clueless?_ "I think you can imagine why. Me and lots of people doesn't mix very well." _Me and other human beings doesn't mix very well, regardless of their amount._

Charlie grunted in response but didn't say anything else. I pushed around my food on my plate for a little while, then I stood up and picked up the plate.

"I'll go up on my room."

The stairs and the floorboards on the first floor creaked beneath my feet as I made my way to my room. To find something to occupy my thoughts with, to protect myself from the constant assault of memories, I flipped through the pile of books on my bedside table and then sat on my bed with one of them in my hand. I sighed and looked at the cover. I'd read these millions of times and not many pleasant memories were connected to them; rather the opposite.

I looked at it for one more second, sighed again and put it down on the bed, stood up and went to the door.

"Dad?" I stuck my head over the banister on the stairs, standing about halfway down.

Charlie peeked out of the living room and I heard the sounds from a baseball match from the TV. "Yeah?"

"Can I go to Seattle next Saturday? I need some new books."

"Seattle is a big town, Skye. Can you manage on your own?"

"I grew up in London, dad. I'll be fine."

He still didn't look convinced, but let it go. "Sure, Skye. Just ... call me if anything happens."

"Thanks." I began backing up the stairs, but Charlie stopped me.

"Hey, Skye, why haven't you been using the truck?"

I stopped and sighed. "I just … haven't. I'll use it tomorrow, I promise."

"Good. I don't want you to get rained on."

_Sure, Charlie, sure. You just don't want a relapse._

* * *

><p>The truck roared to life the next day. I jumped at the sound and dreaded the afternoon, when I'd have to start it with people around.<p>

When I got to school, I parked as far away from the silver Volvo as I could, but when I got out of it, I managed to drop the keys into a puddle. I bowed down to get it, but before I could even touch the metal, a pair of pale hands shot forth and grabbed them for me.

"How do you _do_ that?" I exclaimed, irritated, as Cullen handed me the keys.

"Do what?" He smiled at me.

"Appear out of thin air."

"I don't. You just don't pay attention."

Sure.

"Why did it seem like you were watching me talk to Tyler and Eric yesterday?"

I was shocked over my courage, but didn't show anything.

"I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. And don't even pretend otherwise."

He shrugged.

"And I thought you would be consistent in your decision-making, which means that you should be pretending that I doesn't exist right now."

"I shouldn't be doing anything."

_Can't this guy not just stick to one decision?_

"At least not for that reason" he added.

"Well, that's what I got out of your cryptic talking yesterday. You said that it would be best if we weren't friends, and I can't see how interacting with each other will prevent us from becoming just that."

I turned around and started to walk toward the buildings.

"Skye, wait!" he shouted behind me.

I didn't slow down, but he easily caught up with me.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?!" I muttered. "You tell me one thing and act like another. It's going to irritate people around you very much if you keep on doing that."

"I wanted to ask you a question, but you distracted me."

"Then ask." _And get lost._

"I wondered if … Next Saturday, when the spring dance takes place -"

"Are you kidding me?" I interrupted, stopped dead and looked up at him. It irritated me that he was taller than me; the position made the rain fall in my face. _You eavesdropped on me yesterday, so I doubt you have to ask!_

His eyes sparkled with mischief. "Please, will you let me finish?"

I bit my lip to contain the anger that burned within me and nodded stiffly.

"I heard you were going to Seattle that day, and I intended to ask if you wanted a ride?"

"You just confessed to eavesdropping. And no, I actually don't need a ride. I've got a truck that can take me there. So, no thank you."

I started to walk again, but had a hard time keeping the shock away to keep the anger.

"But can the truck make it on one tank of gas?" He was by my side again in seconds.

"I can't see why that is any of your business."

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward-" A chill went through me when I said his name. Not good. "-make a decision. Are you avoiding me or offering me a ride to Seattle? They aren't compatible."

"I said that it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to."

"Oh, thanks, that really cleared everything up" I said with heavy sarcasm.

I realized that we'd stopped again – this time beneath the cafeteria roof. Rain no longer drenched my face, which made it easier to look up at him. I highly disliked that seeing his scarily perfect face made it slightly harder for me to think.

"It would be more … prudent for you not to be my friend, Skye-"

"Because that's so much easier to understand."

He smiled and laughed a little. "-but I'm tired of staying away from you."

_W-o-w. This went far worse than I expected_.

I looked away, trying to figure out a way to actually make him stay away.

"So, will you come to Seattle with me or not?"

I distractedly nodded, then froze when I realized what I'd done. Cullen briefly smiled and then his face became serious.

"You really should stay away from me" he warned. "I'll see you in class."

I looked after him as he hurried away to another building.

Cullen confused me. Confusion scares me. Therefore Cullen scares me. And now, I'll go with him to Seattle.

Conclusion__ – Fuck.__

**A/N - Chapter Tre, everyone! And 'tre' is 'three' in Swedish, in case you wondered ;). So, what do you think? Give me a review with your thoughts! I want all the reviews!**

**And don't forget to thank Winter for Beta;ing all this! I can't thank her enough!**

**So, 'til next time - Bye!**


	5. Chapter 4

WARNING - THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A SHORT MENTION OF SELF-HARM! Stop reading at 'BEGINNING OF WARNING' and start reading again at 'END OF WARNING' if you are not comfortable reading about self-harm!

Chapter IV

_Skye A. Lee_

I was strangely awake. Everything seemed clearer – every sound, every sight, every smell. In the back of my mind, I knew that this was Cullen's fault. I hated that he had such an impact on me.

And that he'd forced me to wake up from my protecting haze. Yeah, I hated him the most for that.

I came into the cafeteria a little more tense than usual, trying to keep my eyes trained on the ground while not bumping in to anyone. I was intending to leave and eat in the library like yesterday, but when I turned my back on the cafeteria, I felt a burning gaze on my back. I didn't even need to think to know that it was Cullen.

Without intending to, I turned around and met his strange, golden eyes – eyes filled with emotions so well hidden that I couldn't decipher them all. But what I saw the strongest was longing, after what I could only guess. _And my guess is talking to me and keep on giving mixed signals._

I noticed that he was sitting alone, at my table – in the other end of the room from his usual spot. I blinked, surprised, when he motioned for me to come to him. I realized that I was no longer in control of my own body when I turned around and walked towards him. I managed to stop at the table, forced myself not to sit down.

"What do you want?" I asked tiredly.

"Will you sit down with me?" he politely asked and smiled.

I didn't want to; I did want to – I wanted to walk away; I sat down.

I spun the apple in my hand, trying to figure out a way to escape without being an asshole. _I will do it that way, though, if there is not other._

He was still smiling; seemed illogically happy that I'd sat down. When he didn't say anything, I filled the silence.

"This was new" I observed.

"Well, I decided-" He paused, seemed unable to find the words, but then they came fast. "I decided that if I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

"I'm still waiting for you to say something understandable."

"I know." He smiled again.

We sat quiet for a few minutes. I wanted to excuse myself and flee away from all the talking – it didn't matter who I was talking to; it always made me nervous.

"So … What brought all this on, exactly?"

"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." He was still smiling – seriously, what about me made him so happy? - but his eyes, more ochre than honey now, were serious.

"'Giving up'?"

"Yes – giving up trying to be good." _You were _actually_being good by staying away. _"I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." His smile faded as he spoke and a hard edge crept into his voice at the end.

"I'm not good company, Edward. You really should stay away, for both of our benefits." Somehow, Cullen was creeping under my shield. I just hated him more and more for every second. But I was also, hopelessly, more drawn to him for every day that passed.

"I think you're excellent company, my friend."

"So, we're friends now." _Great. I'm so happy about that._

"Friends ..."

"Edward, please speak English. No more mixed signals – it's driving me mad."

"Well, I suppose we can try. But I'm not a good friend for you."

_Neither am I. I'm not a good friend for anyone, actually._

"If you're smart, you'll stay away" he continued.

"I think you've made your opinion on my intelligence fairly clear."

I looked down at my bottle of soda and readied myself for saying goodbye and leaving.

"What are you thinking?"

"_Excuse_ me?!" My head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Don't you think it's a bit early to try to get into my head?"

Cullen looked scared. _Scared._

"I'm sorry" he murmured and looked away. "I just … I'm so used to reading people very easily. It makes me nervous not to know anything about you."

"Well, it makes _me _comfortable."

"It's frustrating, too."

"No. I can't _imagine_ why that would be frustrating at all – just because someone values their privacy and refuses to tell you their thoughts, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night, wondering what they could possibly mean. Now, why would that be frustrating?"

He grimaced.

"Or better" I continued, my pent-up annoyance and anger breaking free, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next. That, also, would be _very non_-frustrating."

"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"

"I don't like double standards." A_nd unfortunately, you're _full_of them._

_That _shut him up. I started to brace myself for walking away again.

"Aren't you hungry?" Cullen asked and motioned to my food.

"No." I was, kind of, but I had no desire to eat. "Are _you_?"

My question was just a joke – I knew that neither he nor his siblings _ever _ate.

"No." His eyes sparkled – as if a private joke had come to his mind.

The bell tolled and I automatically stood up, happy that I now had an excuse to escape.

_Skye, you'll sit beside him the whole next lesson_, my mind reminded .

"Aren't you coming?"

"I'm not going to class today."

"Why not?" I tried not to show that I was relieved.

"It's healthy to ditch class every now and then."

"I'm going, at least."

"I'll see you later, then."

_Hopefully not._

I was nauseous. We were doing blood typing. And I knew that no good memories accompanied the smell of blood.

Mike was the first to prick his finger. Sweat broke out on my forehead, and I looked away without breathing.

_I'm strong enough for this._

_I'm strong enough to resist. _

_I'm strong enough not to remember._

**BEGINNING OF WARNING**_  
><em>

But I did. The first thing I saw was a bloody razor, lying on the side of a bathtub and then my own arm, filled with bleeding wounds. Then I was looking at myself in the mirror – my hair was messy, the skin around my eyes black and big bags was present beneath them. I blinked, then I showed my forearm to the mirror – there were scars all over it – and put the razor to my pale skin, my movements mechanical. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief when my skin broke, like an overripe grape, and a thin rill of red blood flowed out of the slit.

**END OF WARNING**

I barely heard Mr Banner worriedly ask me if I was okay, I barely felt anything when Mike supported me, didn't give a conscious order to my muscles to move toward the office. I was drowning in the memories, drowning in the pictures of red blood, silvery scars and coldly glinting razors.

"Is she okay?"

Edward's frantic voice brought me back to the present, and the heavy mass of screaming, unidentifiable emotions almost made me fall.

"I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even prick her finger."

"Skye." Edward's voice was in my ear, relieved. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes" I whispered. "Mike, can you let me sit down?"

The boy immediately supported me to the sidewalk and I sat down, closed my eyes and took deep breaths, tried to distract myself from the images.

"I was taking her to the nurse." Mike sounded defensive.

"I'll take her." I heard the smile in Cullen's voice. "You can go back to class."

"No" Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."

Cullen's cool arms wrapped around me and the ground disappeared beneath me; he was carrying me like I was weighing ten kilos instead of forty, carrying my weight with only his arms, far from his body, without seeming bothered.

"Hey!" Mike called from behind us.

Cullen ignored him. "You look awful."

I opened my eyes and looked up at his grinning face.

"Thank you very much" I said sarcastically. "I'll treasure that compliment forever."

Cullen ignored me. "So you faint at the sight of blood." He seemed amused.

"No" I muttered, too low for Cullen to hear. "Rather drown in unpleasant memories."

A little higher, I said:

"I guess so."

Cullen was quiet, seemed to be thinking hard about something. He pushed the door into the office open with his shoulder and when we entered, I heard Ms Cope gasp.

"Oh my!"

"She fainted in biology" Cullen explained.

He went straight past the front counter and Ms Cope hurried past us to hold the nurse's door open.

The grandmotherly nurse looked up from a novel, surprised, as Cullen gently placed me on the crackly paper that covered the brown vinyl mattress on the one cot. Then he moved as far away from me as possible, leaned toward the wall with bright, excited eyes.

"She's just a little faint" he told the startled nurse. "They're blood typing in biology."

The nurse nodded. "There's always one."

Cullen muffled a snicker. _If you knew what was going on inside my head, Cullen, you wouldn't find this amusing at all. _I closed my eyes – Cullen had distracted me, but only temporarily.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass."

"I know" I sighed, lying. _The memories never stop coming._

"Does this happen a lot?"

"Yeah." I was answering truthfully, kind of. I was just not talking about fainting.

Cullen coughed to hide another laugh.

Clothing rustled. "You can go back to class now."

"I'm supposed to stay with her." He sounded so genuine that the nurse believed him.

_Please, get him out._

"I'll get you some ice for your forehead, dear." More clothing rustled and footsteps going out of the room.

"You were right" I said coolly.

"I usually am – but what in particular this time?"

"Ditching is healthy."

It was quiet for a moment.

"You scared me there." He sounded like he was admitting a humiliating weakness. "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods." He took on a humorous tone towards the end.

I shuddered and started counting to shield myself from the renewed memory-assault.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't realize that I was mouthing the numbers until Cullen questioned it.

"Nothing."

This interrupted my counting. _89 this time. Restart. 1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 5 …_

"You are clearly doing _something_" Cullen disagreed.

"Well, maybe I am!" I snapped and opened my eyes. "But _if _I am in fact doing something, it's probably not any of your your business if I refuse to tell you."

As much as I hate arguments, this was good. A better distraction than the old counting-trick.

"I'm just curious."

I snorted. "Then contain your curiosity. _You_ don't have to know everything about everyone." I silently hoped that he hadn't noticed the out-of-place emphasis.

Silence.

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching." Unwillingly, I succumbed to my curiosity.

"I was in my car, listening to a CD."

_So he _is_capable of doing something normal._

The nurse came back with a cold compress in her hand. "Here you go, dear."

She placed it over my forehead.

"I'm fine, I don't need this." I sat up.

The nurse was about to make me lie back down, but her attention shifted from me when Mike, supporting another boy from biology – whose first name was Lee, which had created some confusion – came staggering in. I jumped off the bed to free the cot for Lee. Cullen and I drew back against the wall to give them room.

"Oh no" Cullen muttered. "Get out of the office, Skye."

I looked up at him, bewildered.

"Trust me – go."

I spun and caught the door before it closed, hurried out of the infirmary. I could feel Cullen's presence behind me.

"You actually listened to me." He was surprised.

"I smelled the blood." I fought back memories with everything I had and desperately searched for a distraction.

"People can't smell blood" he instantly corrected me.

"I can" I muttered.

He was staring at me with an unfathomable expression.

"What?" I distractedly asked, my focus divided between the real world and the war going on inside of my head.

"Nothing."

Mike came out of the infirmary and gave Cullen an angry glare. Then he looked back at me, his eyes glum.

"_You _look better" he accused.

"Just keep your hand in your pocket" I warned him.

"It's not bleeding anymore" he muttered. "Are you going back to class?"

"I would just have to turn around and come back."

"Yeah, I guess ..." He broke off and shot another glare Cullen's way. "I'll see you in gym, then."

He disappeared, his round face slightly pouting, shoulders slumped. I'd probably have to deal with him in gym. _Fudge. Should I ditch?_

"Gym" I muttered, making the word sound like a curse.

"I can take care of that." I was startled by Cullen's voice right in my ear – he'd moved without me noticing. _Pay attention, Skye! _

"Why are you-" I broke the sentence and looked away.

"Just go sit down and look pale" he muttered.

That wasn't a challenge – I was good at acting. I sat down in one of the creaky folding chairs and rested my head against the wall, eyes closed. It was a bad idea, I discovered, when the attack mercilessly regained strength.

"Ms Cope?" Cullen's voice was soft.

"Yes?"

"Skye had gym next hour, and I don't think she's well enough to go. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you can excuse her from class?"

This guy was good at the art of convincing. His voice was like honey and I could imagine how overwhelming his eyes were.

"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" Ms Cope was completely charmed.

Now, why did I have to be so damn cowardly that _I_ didn't dare to do that?

"No, I have Mrs Goff, she won't mind."

"Okay, everything's good. You feel better, Skye!" she called to me.

I nodded carefully, as if my muscles weren't strong enough to make the movement.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" His tone was helpful but his expression sarcastic, now that the receptionist couldn't see his face.

"I'll walk" I murmured and stood without any problem, stumbling a little to reinforce the act of feeling faint.

He held the door for me, smiling politely but with mocking eyes. Outside, a cold, fine mist had begun to fall and I welcomed it – it almost felt like it was cleansing me from the blood and the scars, washed away the ugly memories. I wanted to show my arms, to clean them as well, but I always had them covered up. I never wore T-shirts.

"Thanks" I said as Cullen followed me out.

"Any time." He was staring forward, squinting into the rain.

When we came closer to the parking lot, I turned to go to my truck. Cullen's hand shot forth, and before I could react, took a fistful of my jacket and yanked me back.

"Where do you think you're going?" He was furious.

My heart immediately went into overdrive, panic clouded my mind and fear made me want to scream.

"Let me go!" I managed to get out in a whisper, the words half-choked, fighting his unbreakable grip. "Let. Go. Of. Me. This. Instant!"

Shocked, Cullen let go and I looked at him for a second, with wide, panicked, scared-to-death eyes and then ran to the truck. My unzipped jacked fluttered behind me.

Cullen stood behind me and just watched with an unreadable expression.

_I knew there was something wrong. There always is, isn't it._

* * *

><p>My breath was still ragged, my heart still beating madly, when I entered the house. I didn't even take my jacket off – just ran up the stairs, threw myself on the bed and tried to count, still panicking.<p>

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. All right. Breathe. Just fucking breathe. In … and out. In … and … out. It's fine. Everything is okay … nothing here will harm you … I'm fine._

I curled into a ball, whimpering, desperately trying to contain the panic. My insides were clawing on my organs, ripping up bleeding wounds, desperately trying to get out. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.

_Stop! _I sobbed, still with dry eyes. _Just stop. Please, stop … stop. Just stop … please …_

I screamed – in fear, in powerlessness - and the sound echoed throughout the house.

* * *

><p>I blinked. Then I blinked again. It took me a few moments to identify the blue bedsheets before my eyes. I sat up, blinked again and looked around my room. The light outside was that of late morning, and I looked around for my alarm to see what time it was.<p>

_11:31._

Hadn't Charlie woken me up for school? It had begun long ago.

My eyes found a post-it note stuck to my bedside table. I took it off and tried the decipher Charlie's sloppy handwriting.

_I called you in sick today. Stay home, kiddo, and take it easy. Call your mom and Zoey, please. They wanted to talk to you._

_Get better._

_Charlie_

I stared at the note for a moment, then let it fallto the bed. I tried to remember when the panic had turned into sleep, but failed. Charlie must've seen something that set him off, either when he got home after work or this morning.

I couldn't remember anything but the crippling panic from yesterday – the day in school was blurry. When I searched my brain for the reason of my panic, the memory of Cullen grabbing my jacket hit me like a battering ram and I stared out into space while I again felt his restricting hand, saw his furious face, heard his angry voice.

'_Where do you think you're going?_'

* * *

><p>"Hello, Lee residence."<p>

"Nathan!" I was relieved to hear his familiar voice.

"Skye!" Nathan sounded happy. "Are you … Is everything all right?" His tone changed to worried.

"I'm … Just put Zoey or mum on the phone, please."

Nathan was quiet for some time, then I heard rustling of clothes and two hushed voices.

"It's Skye."

Footsteps, then mum's voice.

"Sweetheart! Please, tell me everything is okay?"

I was silent, not knowing what to say.

"Charlie ..." Mum cleared her throat. "Charlie called. He said that … something happened to you."

"I may have had a slight panic attack. It was an overreaction, though."

"Skye! I thought you didn't have those anymore?!"

"I don't. I just …" I sighed. "I overreacted, okay? Something happened at school, and well ..."

Mum was quiet for a few moments. "Zoey wants to talk with you."

"Okay."

"Hello, Skye." Zoey's voice was warm and familiar.

"So, what happened?"

"I had a panic attack. Nothing majo-"

"What caused it?" Zoey interrupted.

I sighed. "A school-thing."

"Skye ..."

"Okay! We were doing blood typing in biology, I saw a guy stick his finger and I shut down. Another guy helped me to the nurse, and then helped me escape gym. Everything was fine until I tried to get to the truck Charlie's bought me, and then he grabbed my jacked and seemed angry that I tried to go on my own. He was probably just concerned, though. Everyone thought that I'd fainted."

"And you panicked when he restrained you."

I nodded. "Yes."

Zoey was quiet.

"But I'm fine now" I added quickly. "I don't think it'll happen again. I'll just stay away from him and nothing should happen."

"Haven't Charlie talked to the school and informed them about her?" Zoey was angry.

"I don't know!" I irritably answered.

She wasn't talking to me – I heard mum's voice, though not the words she was speaking, answer in the background.

Zoey was quiet for a few moments, gathering her thoughts, maybe? Then I heard mum's voice again and the phone changed hands.

"Honey, maybe you should come home." My mother's voice was soft. "Maybe the US wasn't a good idea."

I should agree with her. I should jump at coming home.

But I wanted to stay. And fuck the person who makes me want that.

"But …" I was quiet for a moment, tried to arrange a convincing speech. "You know why I left, mum. It's only been a month or so. There's no way anything has changed back home in that short amount of time."

"You didn't have panic attacks here."

"No, I didn't" I agreed. "But I was also a lot more sad." _Sad? _my mind snorted. _Depressed, rather. _"I feel better here, if we ignore the panic attack yesterday."

A disbelieving silence followed.

"I _want_ to stay" I begged. "Please?"

I could feel my mother's shock through her silence. Then she started talking with the others, but forgot to remove the phone from her face.

"She says she _wants_ to stay."

Zoey answered her heatedly.

"But it's been ages since she's _wanted _something!"

Mum listened to Zoey's reply. Then she probably realized that I could hear what she was saying and took away the phone before she answered.

I patiently waited for a few minutes before Zoey's returned in my ear.

"All right, Skye, you can stay. But if this, or anything _like_ this, happens again – you're coming home."

I hated the fact that I wanted to make a little victory dance.

"Sure, Zoey."

"Bye, Skye. Have a good time."

"Bye."

The phone clicked and the line went dead. Slowly I lowered my arm holding the phone, and directed hateful thoughts at the youngest Cullen. But at the same time, I couldn't deny the curiosity I felt for him, and the beginning of something else … something unknown … something I'd couldn't identify.

Cullen was a mystery, and though I usually lived by the saying 'Curiosity killed the cat', I wanted to get behind the mystery and uncover the secrets.

I wanted to know the truth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Hello, is someone still there? Helloo? I'm sorry I took such a long time at posting again :´(. I just haven't been in the mood, though I'd probably could have written something like this anyway. I hope you're not too angry at the delay ;).  
>Oh, and before you go, I want to tell you that I have posted a kind of previewoneshot of a story whose plot I'm trying to get together - Twelvehundred Years. It's another Edward/OC pairing - this time, the OC is named Anna - but it's all vampire.**

**All right, so Anna is a vampire that looks like a fourteen-year-old (she obviously isn't that young in reality) that has been around for quite a while. One day, she stumbles upon the strange Cullens, and Anna, curious of this strange golden-eyed "family" of vampires, decides to try their diet and stay for a while with them. But things happen and the complications starts to heap ...**

**I only have one scene written - the one that came to mind - and I have posted that one, though it spoils a lot of the plot ;). But, while I'm trying to make up the storyline for it, check it out and leave reviews! Lots of reviews!**

**You see, I'm all about your thoughts. I'm like Edward and you're people whose minds I cannot read, despite wanting really badly to. Hopefully, you won't have a Skye-response to me asking :D. See you in chapter five! (Wow, have we really come this far!?)**

**/Skye A. Lee**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N - Probably should put a warning here.  
><strong>**Mentions of self-harm, a really angsty Skye  
>and many f-bombs dropped. You have been warned!<strong>

**It's just going to continue like this, and I can't  
>guarantee a HEA, since I seem to love to torment<br>my fictional counterparts. So, this will probably  
>be one of the last warnings, or I'll increase the rating.<br>**

**Tell me what you think will be best in the reviews!**

Chapter V

_Skye A. Lee_

I stared at the phone for a minute. I had a whole day to fill in with activities that kept me busy enough to not think. Hurray.

_I hate Edward Cullen. And I really don't want to go to Seattle with him. Hm. Maybe I'll go Tuesday and to Port Angeles instead? I mean, Seattle is far away, and Port Angeles __probably has some good bookstores …_

_Yeah, whatever it takes to stay away from him._

Content with my decision, I turned to my homework for my much needed distraction. I purposefully made myself more stupid so that Trig would take _ages_ and challenged myself to find the best wording I could muster for the essay. It kept me busy for the rest of the afternoon, and I was lying on the sofa, finishing up the essay when Charlie came home.

"Hi, Skye." I looked up.

"Hi, dad." I winced at my impression of a crow and cleared my throat.

"How are … How are you feeling?" He cleared his throat as well, out of awkwardness, and looked down.

"I'm good, dad. You know, I've been thinking," I put my homework on the table and sat up. "I could cook tonight."

"Skye! Erm … You really don't have to do that!" Charlie protested.

"My father was so terrible with words that it almost brought a smile to my lips.

"No, it's fine. No offense, dad, but your cooking isn't exactly worthy of five stars."

"None taken, kid. Well, you take the reigns. I'm gonna watch some TV, if that's okay with you."

"I shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'll start dinner."

"It had been a while since I'd cooked, but Charlie thoroughly enjoyed my pasta. I actually ate more than I'd done since I'd gotten here and found that the joy of cooking carried over to eating in a way I hadn't experienced for years.

"This is brilliant, Skye."

"Thank you." My plate was picked clean as I put my cutlery aside. I hadn't taken that much to begin with – hadn't even been thinking about seconds – but it was an improvement. "I'll take care of the dishes."

"That's nice of you, Skye." Charlie smiled briefly at me, got up and disappeared into the living room. While I stacked the porcelain, I heard the TV start spewing out the sounds of a baseball match. I'd never understood some people's fascination with sports. But, on the other hand, I'd never really understood "fun" either.  
>I found myself oddly at peace while I did the dishes, occasionally looking out the window. Ashley crossed my mind. She would have been happy with me, for acting this normal. But, as always, that thought led me somewhere I didn't want to be.<p>

_'I call it the calm before the storm. I always feel so serene, and then I feel miserable just a few hours later. It's then it's the hardest not to relapse.'_

I stopped moving my hands, bit my lip and stared at the bubbles in the water for a moment, forced it away. Thousands of fragmented reflections of me danced on the surfaces of the bubbles and I looked at them.

_What will it become of me?_

* * *

><p>Charlie worked weekends.<p>

Another thing I hadn't thought much about.

It was way past twelve when I finally fell asleep, and an angry three glared at me when I woke up. After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, I realized that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again and got up. After roaming the ground floor for a bit, I decided to make my father some breakfast.  
>While I made waffles, I actually felt at peace for a moment, before the smell and greasiness made my stomach suddenly flip. I immediately rushed to the sink, but managed to keep it down. <em>No breakfast for me<em>.

_You sound really happy about that_.

I rinsed my mouth and then went back to cooking while breathing through my mouth to avoid the smell. When I put the last waffle on a plate, Charlie came creaking down the stairs.

"It smells wonderful, Skye!" He peeked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I made waffles. Woke up early." I forced a smile. "Why don't you go and take a seat, and I'll bring you this." Charlie immediately disappeared.

I picked up the plate with the waffles, another one for Charlie to eat on and a glass and then went out of the kitchen. Charlie hungrily stabbed a waffle and placed it on his plate. I turned around.

"Aren't you having some, Skye?"

I froze in the middle of a step.

"No, dad. I'm not hungry," My tone was lifeless. "I ate earlier", I hurried to add.

"Okay."

Just that. Okay.

"Okay." I hurried up the stairs and into the bathroom to get ready for the day, and escape from the revolting smell of my cooking. I opened the cabinet, and it … it was just there. A razor, glinting.

And I stared at it, remembering the short pain, the relief, the wonderful sight of red blood on white skin.

But then other memories came. Of hospitals, of scars, of t-shirts and bathing suits. Of Ashley, Zoey, Nathan, mum.

Everything just spun around in my head, faster and faster, until it felt like I was drowning.

_NO! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!_ She was crying in my head, crying and sobbing.

_Oh, how I envy you_. Another voice, spiteful, bitter, that echoed through my head before disappearing.

I blinked, took a wonderful breath and returned. I was sitting with my back to the toilet, the razor tightly held in my hand. I immediately let it go. It tinkled against the tiles and went to rest a little distance away. I stared at it, and noticed the red blood that coloured its edges. When I turned my hand up, a small pool of blood formed in my palm. The razor had cut a straight, fine line from the root of my thumb to my little finger.

I quietly sighed and rose to clean my hand. The water stung a little, but I found myself enjoying the pain for a split moment.

Then I went back to just being numb.

Charlie was already gone when I came down the stairs. I sighed and went to sit in the sofa. I'd need something to do all day. So I made up a mental list of things I could do.

_1 - Laundry. _

_2 - Clean my room. _

_3 – Read a book. _

_4 – Watch TV_.

I ruled out laundry and reading immediately – from experience I knew that the first busied your hands more than your mind, and the latter would do the opposite of helping me. _So, clean my room or watch TV?_

I bit my lip. My room, I decided and went for the stairs. I counted my steps to the door, but there I stopped dead.

My room was in perfect order, like no one was living there.

_Of fucking course. Am I stupid?_

_Yes, yes you are, Skye._

I groaned and threw myself at my bed. I should have known. My room back home was always unnaturally tidy – a result of me never using anything in it but the bed.

_Isn't it strange, Skye, that you have spent most of your life in that little room, but still it looks like somebody's just moved in? You're a fucking miserable excuse for a human, aren't you?_

I cried out, grabbed my head and tucked it against my chest.

_Go … go away. Go. Away. Please! I can't take this anymore!_ Somehow my inner voice managed to _sob_.

_Do I even know how that sounds anymore?_

_No, you don't. Another example of your inhuman-ness. They're right, you know. You're a-_

I bit my cheek so hard that the familiar, metallic taste of blood filled my mouth almost instantly. It satisfied the monster inside my head, shut her up.  
>I ran my tongue over the small, stinging wound. It would be sore for a few days, maybe a week, and then it would go away. <em>It's okay, Skye. You haven't done anything wrong<em>.

_Yeah, sure, inner voice. It's not like I'm an expert at lying to myself or anything_. _I can imagine what Ashley would say if she found out that I bit myself to stop.  
>Okay, calm down. I don't need an anxiety attack right now.<em>

My eyes darted around the room and stuck on my computer. That could maybe create a distraction. I put my hair behind my ears, held my arm over my ribcage and dragged myself over the cold floorboards. The old machine took some time to start, and I looked out the window while I waited.

When the wound in my cheek stopped hurting, I ran my tongue over it to keep it stinging almost unconsciously. I honestly couldn't bring myself to scold me for it.  
>It felt like my head was filled with cotton; all sensations were dulled, and I just felt tired. All emotion had just poured off me when I managed to shut my demon up. I knew why I felt like this, I knew its dangers, but it felt so <em>right<em> that I didn't want it to end.

When I regained my focus, I had already started the browser. _Alright, what do you know about him?_

I didn't question my non-decision of trying to figure out Cullen.

Pale skin. Non-existing body temperature. Extreme strength and speed. No eating or drinking. Unnaturally perfect bodies. Yeah, that sums it up.  
>They were definitely supernatural.<p>

_Okay. Pale skin. What supernatural species do I know of?_

_Elves. Nah, no pointy ears. And who am I kidding? Nobody even knew about that kind of elves before Tolkien._

_Demons? Demons from the fiery pits of hell in Forks High. Haha. Yeah, who am I kidding? Next._

_Vampires? Yeah, maybe._

I'd come up with three and basically ruled out two.

"Let's try with vampire, then", I murmured to myself and typed it. When I pressed enter, a massive amount of information came up. _This is going to take all day_! I realized.

I was, to say the least, very pleased with myself.

* * *

><p><em>'Magic mirror<br>On the wall  
>Tell<br>Me  
>That I'm<br>Beautiful'_

_It almost felt like the mirror was laughing at me, along with the monster._

You're ugly_, she whispered, _ugly, stupid and crazy_. _They know that_. _That's why they do this to you. It's your own fucking fault, Skye. How can you be upset about that, you lazy bitch? Do something with your life instead of throwing these pity-parties.

_'FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!'  
><em>

_I snapped, the mirror broke. My hand bled, I was dizzy.  
><em>

_'No, no, not anymore. I can't … take this anymore!' I was breathless, like I'd run a marathon. 'This will end! This _will_ end, and it'll be _fucking today._ Fuck you. Fuck the world. I don't care any more.'  
><em>

_I saw my own reflection for a moment, in the shard that I grabbed from the floor._

_It was peaceful. After the pain had subsided, I just lay there and felt nothing. My vision blacked out every now and then, but my body felt like it was wrapped in cotton. I was sleepy. Wondered how long it would take._

_'Skye! Skye, how could you do this?!'_

_'You didn't care. So I stopped doing that, too'_

* * *

><p>Ashley had always told me that it was a self-preservation mechanism.<p>

But I couldn't understand how bringing back the worst memories of my life and drown in them every time I saw or did or thought something bad was _preservation_.

The Cullens. They were vampires.

And, yet, I was wondering what about it had triggered me. Was it the connection to blood?

I wasn't scared.

I still wasn't that fond of my life.

* * *

><p><em>That was easily one of the worst weekends of my life<em>.

I parked the truck in my usual spot. Today was the sunniest day I'd ever experienced in Forks, but as usual I wished for rain. Everyone wore t-shirts and some even

shorts, and I felt self-conscious in my dark jumper and dark blue jeans.

_Alright. Just survive two days, and then I'll go to Port Angeles to buy the books._

_This'll be fun._

* * *

><p>All of the Cullens were absent at lunch. It bothered me, and that in turn bothered me even more. Even if they were vampires – which I had accepted with startling calm – I should be fine with them not being in school. In fact, I should be relieved – them not being there equalled no chance of being killed by bloodthirsty monsters.<p>

But were they really monsters? I spent the day unwillingly thinking about them, and I could see no point in living among their prey. People would notice if other people started to disappear, and what was the point of going to school or working as a doctor? It just made no sense. Did they feed on blood bags that Doctor Cullen stole from the hospital? Not likely – in this small town, the employees would notice.

The colour-changing eyes then. What was up with them? Vampire's eyes didn't shift colour in _any_ of the traditional myths, but since they apparently did in real life, there had to be a point to it.

Was it based on mood? Nah, Edward had showed himself angry even with golden eyes, and they didn't shift that frequently. More gradually, like something that fuelled the colour slowly was eaten up …

Eaten. Was it related to feeding? Golden eyes meant that they'd recently fed, and black ones meant that they were thirsty?

Needless to say, I felt even more crazy than usual that day. But it kept the monster away.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Hey, someone still there? I know it's been a while, but you know … real life. I love my stories because I can escape to another reality for a while via them, but sometimes you just can't do that.  
>Skye doesn't help that much either, because we're in similar situations, kind of. So while I write this, I'm in my dark place and that makes everything twice as hard, now that real life is back to being a major bitch again. And I'm not saying this to get pity, I just felt like I owed you an explanation.<br>Take care!  
>Skye<strong>

**B/N - Hey all! Winter here. Skye's back! Whoop! Anyways, are there still people there? Shoot a review and let us know what's up, how you're liking the story, and all that.**


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